Guilt, Aggression, and Despair
by KiraDood5
Summary: What if Lucy actually succeeded at committing suicide? This is the story of our cast dealing (or attempting to deal with) the loss of a close friend. Rated M for suicide mention, violence, self-harm, and a bunch of other bad stuff.
1. The Downward Spiral

Guilt, Aggression, and Despair

 _Prologue - The Downward Spiral_

 _[Just a quick author's note, this story is potentially triggering for some people, especially ones who have went through suicide attempts, lost someone from suicide, those who self harm, and those who have had drug problems. Just a quick warning. I hope you enjoy the story, any and all criticism is welcome. Even harsh.]_

"Why did things have to be this way?" was the thought that raced through Jordan's mind. All he remembered was hearing something break in the bathroom, only to find her body on the cold floor. Lucy's eyes were dilated, and her body was practically motionless, save for some shallow breathing. He screamed for help as soon as he saw the vial of pills on the floor, scattered. It only took a minute for the entire house to panic and call an ambulance to pick the girl up.

To Lucy, the last things she heard until she lost complete consciousness were distant sirens and the worried voices of her family.

As soon as Lucy was rushed to the hospital, Jordan took it upon himself to start packing Lucy's things from her room at the request of her parents, wanting her to be transferred to another school as soon as she got out of the hospital. He also called the office of Roseville High to break the news to her class... On the condition that they don't tell them what happened. He personally wanted his family to grieve by themselves. Eventually, everything was packed in boxes or moved to another room.

He kept telling himself that she'd die. He blamed himself that he couldn't help her. But he also blamed the Korat kid... none of this would have happened if he didn't open his jaw. It was his fault.

His fault.

"...It's all your fault, you know..." He choked out as he clenched Mike's shoulders, his grip starting to give out until he eventually let go, tears welling in his eyes and streaming down his face. Jordan fell to his knees, his hands almost desperately holding onto Mike's arms as he started to sob. "I just don't want to lose my little sister..." And in a moment's notice, the scarfed cat bolted away from Jordan and to find the hospital as fast as possible.

The bus stopped at the hospital, and Mike walked in only to be met with Lucy's mother grieving, and Sam on the verge of tears. Obviously horrified, he reached out to them, only to be met with the stoic voice of Lily, yet her eyes said otherwise about her feelings. "Go away, Micheal." She bluntly said. Mike only stared down at her in horror. "What happened to Lucy?!"

She stayed silent and pointed at Lucy's mom and Sam, already starting to break down in tears. "It was too late for any treatment." Lily mused somberly. "Her body must have given out just before you got here." Absolute shock and terror was displayed on Mike's face as he slowly brought a hand to his mouth, already feeling his stomach churn as he understood what exactly happened. But the expression on his face quickly turned to fear as he heard the angry yell of someone in despair attempting to dash straight at him.

"Sam, please-!"

"DON'T YOU GET IT, MOM?! THIS LITTLE **SHIT** KILLED HER! IT'S HIS FAULT THAT SHE'S DEAD!"

"Samuel-"

Sam turned to face Mike, fuming with rage and anguish as he screamed at him behind tears. "YOU LISTEN TO ME! YOU'RE AS GOOD AS _DEAD_ , YOU HEAR ME?! **DEAD!** " He yelled before collapsing onto the floor, sobbing out Lucy's name. Despite his body not wanting to move, Mike staggered out of the hospital, leaving the rest of the family behind.

Right when he walked out of the hospital's doors, Mike felt his legs slowly grow weak and give out as he thought about Lucy. Her quips at him, her teasing, her laughter... Her worry for him, her appreciation for him, her compliments towards him...

Her love for him.

Falling onto his knees as he remembered Lucy's confession months back, he clawed at the wall, sobbing silently until he finally screamed in absolute anguish. Tears fell to the concrete as he pounded his fist against the ground below him until his knuckles started to bleed. It was his fault, if he wasn't such a selfish, immature brat, Lucy would still be alive. Lucy would be okay. Everything would be okay.

But he went and fucked things up.

And now he was on the side of the street, tears and blood staining the concrete, pained screams filling the air as people looked at him, wondering what happened.

This would be the day that Roseville changed.


	2. The Wretched (Paulo's Perspective)

The Wretched (Paulo's Perspective)

* * *

It's his fault.

All his fault.

Mike, you limp-dicked mother fucker, why did ya' have to go and do that...?! Taking her away from me... from us. All of us. You selfish piece of shit. Why couldn't it have been _you_ instead of _her_?!

...Sorry. It shouldn't matter to me anymore. Lucy's gone and there's nothin' that I can do about it. Nothin' positive, at least. But god dammit, she was pretty much everything to me, man. Sure, she was rough and emotional n' all that, but she was a good friend. Honestly, I should have paid attention to her feelings sooner. Maybe all of this shit wouldn't have happened if I wasn't such a jackass... Man, I like to have fun, but maybe I should've been a bit more sensitive or somethin'. That's what I thought Mike was like until he pulled off this shit.

I still remember what school was like after the news. Barely anybody talked. All of that energy in Roseville High was pretty much gone. Well, that's what I heard, anyways. I didn't go to school for about a week or so 'till my dad kicked me in the ass and told me to go or else I'd be expelled. Like I'd care at this point... Haven't talked to most of the group since, except for David. I think he's the least fucked-up outta all of us, even though Lucy was like a magnet to him. Guy loved her a ton, then when he saw everything just start to break around us? I dunno how he tries to stay positive. 'Guess that's just David for ya, heh... I only hope he doesn't have too many problems on his own. Guy doesn't deserve all of this shit.

Daisy called me once, said she just wanted to check up on me. But her voice sounded so forced to be happy, so I knew that it hurt her, too. Right when I asked her what's wrong, she just broke down in tears, man. I tried to calm her down, but didn't really do much. Ugh, man- Do ya' know how it feels to have one of your best friends, a friend you consider to be like a sibling, to just tell ya' that they're cuttin' themselves? Made me feel even sicker than I do now. Shit, I don't even want to think about it...

She told me that Abbey's been... distant. Nothing else, really. Just distant and really pissed off. I can probably guess why, though. Abbey's like a bomb or something. Ya' never know when he'll blow up. But I guess I can be the same way, too. Other than them, I just haven't really talked to anyone else except my dad. Obviously he's worried sick 'bout me, and I feel sorry that he has to deal with me. He's like, one of the only people I can trust now, yanno? Still felt like I was fallin' apart, though.

Tried alcohol a couple times. Sorta made me feel better, but it was only for like, a few hours. Not enough. Must've only gotten through a few bottled before sayin' 'fuck this' and moved on. And here I am now, busted for gettin' drugs from a shady guy like you'd see in the movies. Didn't get to try any 'till the cops showed up. Maybe that's for the best. Man, I have a long life ahead of me 'n shit, but now? Now? I dunno what's gonna happen now. It just feels... Dark. Bitter. Alone. Obviously, I don't like it. I was aimin' for my driver's license, gettin' a job, just tryin' to kickstart my life a bit, yanno? Now I'm scared. I feel like I'm just gonna fuck everything up if I even try. It's hard to just get over something like that. Not just hard, probably impossible.

Hey, maybe I'll just think things over. Maybe I just need time or somethin'.

...Huh? Feel 'bout what? ...Know 'bout what? ...What about Mike.

...Oh. Well...

...

I guess I dunno how to feel about that, then.


End file.
